Magikkarp

This is what Pokémon should look like when you "revive" them:

q&a

The worst thing in life is officially citations. Absolutely nothing compares to the anxiety generated by the necessity to be so freaking cautious in every single detail.

"How much can you benchpress"

You, a weakling: 200 pounds

Me, a swole tower of muscle: Rick and Morty

No wonder they called him Thomas, he brought the Paine in "Common Sense".

Is it odd that I find more happiness in school than anywhere else?

I never feel a more profound connection with G-d than when taking the time to appreciate his sublime natural creations.

How did I never reflect over the fact that Rayquaza was based on Quetzalcoatl?

Hello mister fish

If you ever want to be enraged by pettiness, all you have to do is take a glimpse at "There Is No Unmarked Woman" by Deborah Tannen.

Remember when we were all edgy teens that romanticized and pretended to have suicidal and depressing tendencies because it was cool to have problems? Its pretty damn good to grow out of that.

As part of my conwylia roleplaying I figured it would be nice to write out a little nation history.:

Background
The glorious nation of Gadol was not initially as unified as it has come to be. It is only very recently that the nation has come together as one people under one king, one law, and one faith. The truth is that the passion of the pious Gadolim for their religion, the monotheistic faith known as Karpism, would eventually be the catalyst for the bloodiest civil war in the history of the nation to date.

The problem that would culminate in the notorious Fin Inquisition can be traced to one of the final and most critical verses found within the holy text of Karpism, known as the Reveal. The verse speaks of a time in the future where a cataclysmic, world ending catastrophe, would emerge to erase all life in the world. The verse proceeds as follows:

"And beware my people who know my word to be true,
For in the future there will come a time of great horror
All life will be in great peril
But there will be among you
One who aids
One who shields"

From here the debate on the true path of the Gadolim originated. Scholars unanimously derived that the use of the word great, which the Gadolim are named after, clearly meant that the Gadolim would have a massive role in countering the future terror. However they differed in whether to place a greater importance on aid or on shelter. Some reasoned that since the sentence containing "aids" came first, then the purpose of the Gadolim would be to help others with the skills of survival they have been refining since birth. Others postulated that since "shields was the last word in the entire text, it should make sense that it is of paramount importance, and that the purpose of the Gadolim is to go to any means necessary to preserve themselves.

Two sects emerged:

The Fins: Aid those who cannot aid themselves

The Scales: We will survive by any means necessary

War
It would not take long before the two sects would be unable to coexist. The previous Rashbal (theocratic ruler) of Gadol, the infamous Charles Guppy, became involved in a war abroad that would prove extremely taxing on Gadolim resources. While Charles funneled supplies and lives into a tribal war occurring at the time between those who accepted the Gadolim as the dominant and beneficial tribe turned nation and those who resented them, those that were at home were left starving and penniless as a result of the demands of the war. From here it was a matter of scripture for the Scales to relate the war back to the Reveal and its final verse, equating Guppy's participation in a foreign war as being antithetical to the Gadolim doctrine of survival.

In what Guppy deemed an act of treason, a provisional government was formed under the leadership of the future Rashbal Dagon Karp, who adhered to the Scale school of thought. In what has become thoroughly studied and much extolled as the most impactful speech in the history of Gadol, Karp asserts as follows:

"We, the forgotten citizens of Gadol,
do herby declare,
for the sake of our god, our law, and our belief,
that Guppy no longer represents the best interest of the Gadolim,
nor acts as the voice of the Great Karp
and to save ourselves from a guided suicide
renounce his rule"

Shortly after the declaration was published mass rioting broke out, especially among the lower classes, as farmers, fieldworkers, and miners gathered en masse to slaughter the royal officials of Guppy and any who aligned themselves with the Fin sect. This was later dubbed the Fin inquisition in which the council governed by Karp would guide the aggression and zeal of the rioters into wiping out the Fins.

In a desperate act to maintain his power Guppy recalled the military from the tribal war and ordered them to subdue the Scales. However, weary from battle and from Guppy, the military joined Karp and pledged themselves to him. With the militia and the peasantry now under the governing of half the clergy, Guppy was captured by the Scales and brought to Karp. In a surprising gesture of fairness Karp released Guppy from his bonds and offered him the chance to escape with his life unharmed if he could best him in combat, exiled, but not dead. After a fierce clash of blades Karp proved to be the superior fighter, having been tempered by experience as a war veteran himself. With the severed head of Guppy now laying on the floor, Karp addressed his people as the new self proclaimed Rashbal.

Loose Ends
With the civil war having been concluded, all that remained to decide on was the fate of the tribes Gadol was previously at war with. In order to distract the civilians now all leveling their grievances to him, Karp declared the outlying tribes parasites, both the ones that supported Gadol, and those that did not. Claiming that either one would require the expenditure of valuable resources, Karp ordered that every other tribe be obliterated. With the military not willing to set out and accomplish exactly what it had hoped to avoid by supporting Karp in the rebellion, it was the zealots of the Scale sect and their great numbers that executed the genocide of the other tribes, dubbed the Lessers.

Now having tied all loose ends, Gadol was now firmly unified under the Scale interpretation of Karpism, resulting in the religiously and culturally homogenous society Karp always dreamed of. In order to assuage the suspicions of various influential lords formerly loyal to Guppy which suspected him of being a warmongering lunatic, Karp issued the Order of Withdrawal which stated that Gadol would no longer participate nor initiate any wars that did not threaten its existence and prosperity, neither as allies of one nation nor enemies of another. Further centralizing his power Karp then named all lords who pledged themselves to him anew as Rambanim (members of the official royal council) and conducted a series of clandestine murders using a newly formed royal police known as the Faithful to remove any who still carried dissenting opinions. With Gadol finally one, a new era of peace could begin under Rashbal Karp.

I'm not even a stoner but good lord man I love me some Post Malone

Happy Lief Erikson Day!

Ya know, usually I say that I feel like an old man but I'm feeling pretty young right now and damn is it good

Magikscrub look what you've done. Now Dogcatwhat wants to be a slut just like you.

Terrible influence.

Apparently its national boyfriend day; first I'm hearing of this. Not really disappointed or distraught by not being one of the special boyfriends receiving praise on social media, I don't really want a relationship at all. Anyone feel the same?

The ting go skrrrrrrrraaaa

Important Relationship Tip:

Don't be clingy. If you want her to be attracted to you, initially give enough attention and reply to texts enough so that she won't fall into the category of girls complaining how their "mans" never replies to them, then slowly make them chase you instead of the other way around. You need to instill the belief that your time and attention is a luxury, not a commonplace commodity.

Just committing some cannibalism