beepbobit
New member
I, beepbobit, was once battling on Minas Tirith. We were defending the main gate, in a bloody and brutal battle. Our fighters were forced to retreat to the flags, which we defended with our lives, but the battle was going south and quickly. As Grond's fiery maw broke through our gate, I knew we were finished. I launched a spear from my secure spot on the tower, striking a troll square in the jaw, yet even such heroic moves were not enough. I tried to rally the troops, yet I saw something. Across from me, on the other flag tower, I saw a commander, along with an orcish soldier, standing next to each other, without weapons drawn. They seemed to be talking. As and good captain would, I knew I needed to investigate this insurrection.
As I drew closer, I saw that the commander's name was BobbyBuckets. A fine lad, he fought well. He had killed many orcs in his time. Yet in this case, he would not kill this weak orc scum who was right within his grasp. I shouted out to him.
"Bobby, kill that orc!"
But he refused.
I shouted again
"Bobby, kill the @#$%ing orc or I swear I will court martial you!"
Yet he refused. I had to take action. I readied a spear and lobbed it, striking the orc clear in the heart, a one shot kill. I came over to Bobby, and began to reprimand him.
"You know, soldier, that it is the duty of Gondor to kill all orcs we see! Why did you not kill that orc on direct command?"
"Cuz I didn't want to, bro."
"Sauron Dammit Bobby, you really want me to court martial you don't you?"
"Uh, lol what is a court martial."
"That's it. Court martial time."
So I gathered as many soldiers as I could. We traveled to the building across from the second level's spawn, and began to discuss his crimes.
"BobbyBuckets, you are charged on crimes of..."
But no sooner had I uttered these words, than Gondor won the battle. It seems we had held the orcs off for a significant amount of time. We all cheered, but decided that the court martial must continue. We all spawned as Uruk-Hai and gathered in a room in the base of Isengarde.
"As I was saying, you are charged on crimes of assisting the enemy, plotting against your country and King, and fraternizing with orc scum. All these fine men here agree with these charges. If necessary they will testify against you. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Bobby sat there, with his blank, black-uruk stare. Across the room behind him, an ent was twerking, yet even the enemies of Isengarde knew that this trial was just, so they did not interfere. Finally, he answered.
"I just wanted peace."
Suddenly, my black, mangled, uruk-hai heart felt a great deal of warmth, like fire as it catches on a Rohhirm's stinking straw-thached home. I smiled, for the first time since my creation to serve Saruman.
"My friend, you have warmed this old bard's heart. I did not know there were any in this world who still believed in the quest for peace. Your naive innocence, infantility really, has gladdened me. Thank you."
"Lol, no probs bro" was his only response.
With this all in mind, I would like to nominate BobbyBuckets for captainship in the army of king Sjoerdtim.
Thus ends the account of Beepbobit the Wise, Lord of the Bards, Captain of the King's Royal Guard, Spearman of Gondor, and Cupbearer of the King.
As I drew closer, I saw that the commander's name was BobbyBuckets. A fine lad, he fought well. He had killed many orcs in his time. Yet in this case, he would not kill this weak orc scum who was right within his grasp. I shouted out to him.
"Bobby, kill that orc!"
But he refused.
I shouted again
"Bobby, kill the @#$%ing orc or I swear I will court martial you!"
Yet he refused. I had to take action. I readied a spear and lobbed it, striking the orc clear in the heart, a one shot kill. I came over to Bobby, and began to reprimand him.
"You know, soldier, that it is the duty of Gondor to kill all orcs we see! Why did you not kill that orc on direct command?"
"Cuz I didn't want to, bro."
"Sauron Dammit Bobby, you really want me to court martial you don't you?"
"Uh, lol what is a court martial."
"That's it. Court martial time."
So I gathered as many soldiers as I could. We traveled to the building across from the second level's spawn, and began to discuss his crimes.
"BobbyBuckets, you are charged on crimes of..."
But no sooner had I uttered these words, than Gondor won the battle. It seems we had held the orcs off for a significant amount of time. We all cheered, but decided that the court martial must continue. We all spawned as Uruk-Hai and gathered in a room in the base of Isengarde.
"As I was saying, you are charged on crimes of assisting the enemy, plotting against your country and King, and fraternizing with orc scum. All these fine men here agree with these charges. If necessary they will testify against you. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Bobby sat there, with his blank, black-uruk stare. Across the room behind him, an ent was twerking, yet even the enemies of Isengarde knew that this trial was just, so they did not interfere. Finally, he answered.
"I just wanted peace."
Suddenly, my black, mangled, uruk-hai heart felt a great deal of warmth, like fire as it catches on a Rohhirm's stinking straw-thached home. I smiled, for the first time since my creation to serve Saruman.
"My friend, you have warmed this old bard's heart. I did not know there were any in this world who still believed in the quest for peace. Your naive innocence, infantility really, has gladdened me. Thank you."
"Lol, no probs bro" was his only response.
With this all in mind, I would like to nominate BobbyBuckets for captainship in the army of king Sjoerdtim.
Thus ends the account of Beepbobit the Wise, Lord of the Bards, Captain of the King's Royal Guard, Spearman of Gondor, and Cupbearer of the King.
