Corvus™

ᴪ

when yo minecraft girl post a new irl

minecraft sneak preview

how on earth did i find myself arguing with the real-life versions of Dumb and Dumber on a gaming website?

stop obsessing over women you German euro-trash.

hey guys... vsauce here

Hi

i contracted the dumb

i got 99 friends but god is not one

i don't admit when im wrong because at the end of the day, you'd be too fucking vain to let me hear the end of it.

amy Schumer walks on stage picks up mic, almost drops it twice while fumbling it taps it to test its on, it screeches “Ahem. Welcome to my comedy special. I’m Amy Schumer and I have a vagina.” A few small chuckles begin. They slowly increase until most of the audience is giggling at the joke. They don’t stop but Amy continues on to her next joke. “I have periods too.” The audience suddenly roars into laughter. Tears streaming down some people’s faces as they struggle to breathe. Amy still goes on. “One time I woke up and my vagina was like ooh I’m a vagina” The audience laughs so hard they can’t breathe. Amy Schumer walks off stage. The crowd is still roaring with laughter. People begin to pass out due to inability to breathe from laughing so hard. Amy Schumer walks back out, for one last joke. “I have boobs too” That’s it. Amy runs off stage as fast as she can. The crowd starts going insane. People are ripping each other’s faces off, there’s blood everywhere. People begin stripping naked and throwing their own feces. Security can’t control them. Anyone that tries to stop them is instantly mauled. People begin eating each other’s limbs, still laughing the entire time. This crowd has become an uncontrollable mob. Swat teams burst in through the windows, but they can’t stop the beast. The main floor is now covered by a thin pool of blood. 1/4 of the audience is dead by now, but the laughter is louder than ever. The military gets called in, but they don’t know what to do. They send in teams from every entrance to try to stop the mob, but they’re taken down quite quickly. Eventually they decide the only option is to bomb the venue. They clear out everyone within 16 blocks. A Rockwell B-1 Lancer is flown in. The bomb levels the entire building. As military rushes in to check for casualties only one person is left laughing. It’s coming from under the stage. It’s Amy. She’s covered in dirt and rubble, and she’s bleeding. She’s giggling to herself. The soldiers try to get her out from under the stage, but they can’t reach her. They attempt to coax her out but she isn’t moving. Eventually, after what seems like years, she stops laughing. Everything is silent. Nobody moves, you can hear the sound of everyone’s breath in the crisp, cool air. Amy slowly turns around and scans her audience. “Do you want to hear a joke?”

who wants to do some BDSM with me?

[center yes

a pink haired mfker just called me autistic lmao :joy:

i remember when i threw a 12th grader off the bleachers because he was making fun of my leg which was in a cast, because i was doing parkour and landed wrongly, scraped the flesh off so bad that it was like i had a steak hanging off my leg, anyways i was in 9th grade and i had a cast over my leg, and this little 12th grader was saying he'd whoop my ass and shit. i calmly said "really?" and so i sat down next to the dude, i took my cast off, pulled up my jeans and then took off all the wrapping and bandaging to reveal my fucked-up, bloodstained, stitched leg, and i say, "look, man, i respect you, now i was wearing this here cast to stop my stitches from popping out," and then i said, "now, i took them off because i respect you, i respect you so much that you're worthy enough for my time," and i wrap my arm around his shoulders and before he can tell me to get off of him i just fucking shove the poor dude down the fucking bleachers, he fucking rolls down over his neck and shit, i guess he was acting tough to impress his gf or some shit? because she was next to the guy. anyways this, kids, is why i spent a month in jail for aggravated assault, before some of my closer friends came around, bailed me out, and then there was this long trial and they claimed that he attacked me first, i took a plea-deal for community service and then i got off community service early. these where the days, man... now here i am getting my ass beat because i taught my best friend all my techniques and he's like twice my size when it comes to muscle. lesson learned: ain't nobody is your friend until they've died for you and then they're not your friend anymore. yeah i'm just going to stop trusting people because clearly i've grown soft in the last 2 years.

carpe diem quam minimum credula postero

im legally changing my name to nuck figgers