Magikkarp

I want to eat you

>Devout christian
>Refers to someone that has a different opinion than his as an "ignorant piece of fuck" and the collective group that go against his stance as "retards"

Pick one at least, unless of course its perfectly acceptable to temporarily disregard the tenants of your faith for the sake of virtue signaling.

>Woman randomly contacts me on Skype promising cam show for a rating on some website
>Yea right
>Tell her to kindly f*** off and block her

Not even I'm that gullible.

My sister told me these jok-no puns right now. They're AWFUL puns, and I didn't even know there could be a distinction between good and bad ones. They aren't even funny, but my sister was laughing like a ninny, so they barely count.

P: What kind of lollipop can you not eat?

A: A playdoh lollipop.

P: What kind of cat is not alive?

A: A candy cat.

P: What kind of princess is a boy?

A: A prince.

P: What kind of sky is not blue?

A: A foggy sky.

P: What kind of Cinderella has a blue dress, and white hair, and is not have blonde hair?

A: Elsa.

P: What kind of butterfly does not have wings?

A: A caterpillar (Get it? cause it's a baby butterfly)

P: What kind of phone is not real?

A: A toy phone.

P: What kind of glasses make you look like a bug?

A: Sunglasses like my dad's.

P: If one and two zeroes are connected in a digital clock what time would it be instead of 100 o'clock?

A: 1:00

These really were told by my (6 year old) sister. All grammar and parenthesis were what she said. And yes, she really said digital clock. And yes, she called them 'jokes'. You, as a punmaster hopefully appreciate what I mean.

I ate some karp and tilapia yesterday, the karp was disgusting, the tilapia was good. Accept it, you're an inferior fish.

Religion of peace my ass

I was considering submitting another vehement meandering tirade in response to the recent terrorist attack. However the attacks are in such abundance at this point that it would be repetitive, so I think I'll create a video on the subject.

My new self destructive addiction. Cant stop sorrowfully reminiscing but can't stop listening either

Had a history test today so I wore my Che Guevara shirt

Just so we all get it clear before I may or may not be bombarded with criticisms or inquiries, yes I do believe in climate change.

I've successfully been offered the counselor position at the camp! Booyah!

Uhm, ok..? I don't even care about Mineplex anymore, I just logged in to test my web camera settings. What should I use this for now anyway?

That moment when you overhear some girls in coding class complaining about how difficult their math homework is so you code a series of javascript functions that calculate the slope, y intercept, length, midpoint, and partitioning of a line given the coordinates to amuse yourself.

I'm now convinced that trump is an undercover epic tier shit poster and no one can tell me otherwise

Edit: because of fr's confusion I would like to clarify that shitposter is a compliment

A quick meme

this girl wasn't having any of it from this random guy

After about 5 hours of wonder trading I have concluded that Germans are the most charitable with gifting high level exclusive Pokemon. Danke germans!

Was doing wonder trade and got a LEVEL 100 SHINY SHUCKLE FROM GERMANY