MrDrewSky

skittles are just gay M&M’s

nothings weirder than opening someone’s closet door and finding their stash of erotic cardboard cutouts of Bob the Cucumber

have come to the conclusion that leaves are actually tree feathers. trees can actually fly. wind doesn’t actually move their leaves, but they’re more or less trying to flap their wings so they can catch a ride on the wind.

trees try to fly, but the weight of sunlight weighs them down. so sad. i cri everytime.

salsa is just spicy pudding.

yes?

if i cum inside a seedless watermelon, is it still a seedless watermelon?

i like to put honey up my bum hole and have bees enter and feel as they buzz around and tickle my asshole

Can we please call BBQ sauce “Confederate Tears?”

The north’s sweet taste of victory.

Yee haw

okay, so they say that cats always land on their feet, right?

so what if were to chop off a cat's legs? would it infinitely levitate or what?

after sitting here in my bed for an extended period of time, i've come to conclusion that birds do not sleep. they do not perch on power lines because they want a place to rest. instead, they are actually recharging by perching on power lines.

i am sickened but aroused

looks like i found my new fetish ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

lol my mum keeps on calling me a disappointment like u can stop it now april fools was last week

if i had one wish, id wish for a tongue made of an infinite bar of soap. that way i could lick myself and not worry bout showers and shit. you may say that its weird and all. that's why I want tongue. I want to lick everyone and cleanse them. I want to feel them. I want to taste them. I want to read the Braille on their skin with my tongue. I want to seduce their bodies with the silent whispers of the movement of my tongue. Feel my bodily fluids upon their satin shell. Feel the blood flow beneath the skin and feel their heart stop as I cram my frog like tongue down their throats and they cease to bare a heart beat. No longer able to draw breath to their lungs. I have freed them of their sin. Freed of their pain. Watch as they perish under my tongue of self righteousness. Their eyes lay dormant. Their husks now echo silence. Free my child. Let the tongue break the chains and set you free.

ahh I love my friends bunches <3

how to make beer:

take root beer

put it in square glass

VOILA YOU GOT BEER

so, i have a theory on where foreskin goes after it is cut off the male genitalia.

i have come under the impression that they're used to make the hard casing on slim jims. either that or they're all ground up and used to make bologna. any thoughts?

when you take the peel off a banana, you're technically circumcising it.

how tf do you whisper in braille?

y'all ever realize that you can never buy a mirror unused?

reflect on that

Anyone else wondering why the hell boxes of cereal don't come with fucking resealable bags?

Female Co-Worker: "Hah, your nose is so long"

Me: "You're just jealous of my nose because it's longer than any relationship you've ever been in."

Her: *Burns*